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A number of studies suggest that beets may be beneficial for people with diabetes. This article takes a closer look at their nutritional properties.
June 30, 2016 at 09:27PM
Friday, July 1, 2016
How expert schmoozers trick themselves into liking their target
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Big-wigs have much to gain from ingratiating themselves with even bigger ones, because having an in with important people sways decisions made in the executive washroom, on the golf course, or over plates of wagyu carpaccio. But ingratiators face a dilemma: no-one likes a suck-up, and people at the top of the food chain have plenty of practice in detecting and dismissing them.
A new article in the Academy of Management Journal finds that company directors get around this dilemma by employing a clever psychological tactic – before meeting up with those they plan on winning over, they think about them in such a way that they come to like them more, making any flattery or ingratiation seem all the more convincing.
Participants in the study were directors at a range of large US companies, each of whom had at least one scheduled meeting with another director who had something they wanted: a say in the board membership at another company. The meetings occurred during the six months running up to the board nominations meeting, so if the participants played their cards right, maybe they would get appointed.
So what’s the best way to play? Researchers James Westphal and Guy Shani suspected that the key to successful ingratiation is to believe it. Detecting unnatural behaviour comes fairly easily, especially if you know what to look for, meaning pretenders are one feigned smile or wavering compliment away from being dismissed as a brown-noser. Acting is hard!
When we really like someone, on the other hand, we don’t need to act, just let our feelings come through. Increasing one’s authentic liking for a person would therefore be very helpful. Westphal and Shani predicted that one way to do this would be for the participants to mentally emphasise to themselves what they have in common with the director they wanted to influence. After all, there is copious evidence showing that we like more those who resemble us, and that we are more likely to credit the achievements of (and therefore respect) people like ourselves, rather than putting their success down to external factors.
In the study, the 278 participants were surveyed at multiple time points prior to their crucial meet-up(s) with other director, on how much they thought about their similarities, or about their differences. For example, a black woman prior to meeting a much older white male might choose to reflect on how they both spent some years in the same industry. The researchers also surveyed the ingratiation behaviours in the meeting itself: compliments and expressions of admiration, together with the amount of non-verbal affirmation like smiling or laughter.
The data showed that the more a participant had turned their thoughts towards what they had in common with the other director, the more their ingratiation behaviours paid off – they were more likely to get an invitation to join the board in the months that followed – presumably because their flattery was more convincing.
Furthermore, participants were more likely to adjust their thinking in this way when their counterpart was more dissimilar to them – where intentionally searching for common ground is going to be particularly important – and in these cases, use of the tactic was even more likely to be rewarded with a nomination. These effects were striking: those following this strategy to its fullest were nearly three times more likely to get a recommendation than those with an average amount of regulation of their thoughts around the meeting.
The psychological strategy uncovered in this research was certainly effective, but what we don’t know is how aware the participants were of what they were doing. Did they deliberately trick themselves into liking the other director, or was it a more automatic and instinctive process?
Either way, these results aren’t only relevant for top dogs trying to bound their way further up the hierarchy. The study provides another demonstration that changing how we think about other people has an important role in smoothing social interactions. Similar processes might help explain why social contact between out-groups is sometimes found to be helpful, and sometimes not: are the different factions looking for what they have in common, or what sets them apart? This approach is about more than a cushy seat in the board room; it’s about how divided people can find a way to sit down together.
--Psyched-up to Suck-up: Self-regulated Cognition, Interpersonal Influence, and Recommendations for Board Appointments in the Corporate Elite
_________________________________
Post written by Alex Fradera (@alexfradera) for the BPS Research Digest.
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A new article in the Academy of Management Journal finds that company directors get around this dilemma by employing a clever psychological tactic – before meeting up with those they plan on winning over, they think about them in such a way that they come to like them more, making any flattery or ingratiation seem all the more convincing.
Participants in the study were directors at a range of large US companies, each of whom had at least one scheduled meeting with another director who had something they wanted: a say in the board membership at another company. The meetings occurred during the six months running up to the board nominations meeting, so if the participants played their cards right, maybe they would get appointed.
So what’s the best way to play? Researchers James Westphal and Guy Shani suspected that the key to successful ingratiation is to believe it. Detecting unnatural behaviour comes fairly easily, especially if you know what to look for, meaning pretenders are one feigned smile or wavering compliment away from being dismissed as a brown-noser. Acting is hard!
When we really like someone, on the other hand, we don’t need to act, just let our feelings come through. Increasing one’s authentic liking for a person would therefore be very helpful. Westphal and Shani predicted that one way to do this would be for the participants to mentally emphasise to themselves what they have in common with the director they wanted to influence. After all, there is copious evidence showing that we like more those who resemble us, and that we are more likely to credit the achievements of (and therefore respect) people like ourselves, rather than putting their success down to external factors.
In the study, the 278 participants were surveyed at multiple time points prior to their crucial meet-up(s) with other director, on how much they thought about their similarities, or about their differences. For example, a black woman prior to meeting a much older white male might choose to reflect on how they both spent some years in the same industry. The researchers also surveyed the ingratiation behaviours in the meeting itself: compliments and expressions of admiration, together with the amount of non-verbal affirmation like smiling or laughter.
The data showed that the more a participant had turned their thoughts towards what they had in common with the other director, the more their ingratiation behaviours paid off – they were more likely to get an invitation to join the board in the months that followed – presumably because their flattery was more convincing.
Furthermore, participants were more likely to adjust their thinking in this way when their counterpart was more dissimilar to them – where intentionally searching for common ground is going to be particularly important – and in these cases, use of the tactic was even more likely to be rewarded with a nomination. These effects were striking: those following this strategy to its fullest were nearly three times more likely to get a recommendation than those with an average amount of regulation of their thoughts around the meeting.
The psychological strategy uncovered in this research was certainly effective, but what we don’t know is how aware the participants were of what they were doing. Did they deliberately trick themselves into liking the other director, or was it a more automatic and instinctive process?
Either way, these results aren’t only relevant for top dogs trying to bound their way further up the hierarchy. The study provides another demonstration that changing how we think about other people has an important role in smoothing social interactions. Similar processes might help explain why social contact between out-groups is sometimes found to be helpful, and sometimes not: are the different factions looking for what they have in common, or what sets them apart? This approach is about more than a cushy seat in the board room; it’s about how divided people can find a way to sit down together.
--Psyched-up to Suck-up: Self-regulated Cognition, Interpersonal Influence, and Recommendations for Board Appointments in the Corporate Elite
_________________________________
Post written by Alex Fradera (@alexfradera) for the BPS Research Digest.
Our free weekly email will keep you up-to-date with all the psychology research we digest: Sign up!
Thursday, June 30, 2016
A personal experience of stuttering
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Software Engineer James, discusses how living with a stutter has affected him:
“Well I’ve stuttered on and off throughout my life. It’s not very prominent now and people rarely notice when it happens.
In my first year of university it was particularly bad. It’s usually direct questions that trip me up. Back then it was mainly when people asked me what course I studied at university, where I was from – basically things that have only one answer.
Since then the main issue is more the stress of thinking I might stammer. New situations in particular – for example, I was more worried about giving details to the guy at the garage the other day when I took my car in for a MOT than the car failing.
It can stop you from being social in general, particularly meeting new people where I’m more likely to get questions that I might struggle with.
If I have trouble in general conversation, I can think of different words quick enough for people not to notice.
For me as it’s so mild and people don’t usually notice, it adds more stress. It makes it more stressful than if the stammer was obvious I would imagine.”
Hypnotherapy Directory member Dan Regan explains how hypnotherapy can help with people like James who suffer from stuttering.
“Hypnotherapy can be incredibly helpful for someone seeking help with a stutter.
It is always important that a hypnotherapist works with the individual in front of them, what happens for them, when it happens and so forth. This allows a very individual approach that is much more likely to lead to success.
It may be that there are specific situations, people or other individual triggers. For example, I have helped people who only stutter in situations where they feel they are being judged or observed, such as in social situations or when public speaking. Using hypnotherapy it is possible to help someone develop new strategies or to call upon their resources from other types of situations to learn how to ease stuttering.
Stress and anxiety can play a large role both generally and if someone worries that they may stutter or about what other people might think about them if they do. There can also be the frustration of stammering and it could impact on confidence and self-esteem.
Hypnotherapy is an excellent tool for dealing with any issues such as anxiety, stress and self-esteem to help someone be more relaxed and feel more confident. Once issues such as anxiety and stress are addressed, the stammering will often ease. I would always suggest that someone with a stutter also consults their medical practitioner if they have any concerns.”
If you suffer from stuttering and would like to explore how hypnotherapy can help, you can find a hypnotherapist in your area by using our advanced search tool.
Transforming Negative Self Talk with Mark Andreas Aug 15, 2016
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Transforming Negative Self Talk with Mark Andreas
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Slave Hypnosis: Helpless to Spirals
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6 Incredibly Effective Ways to Love Someone with Social Anxiety
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How to nurture your relationship with your socially anxious partner.
What is social anxiety disorder? It’s a type of anxiety disorder characterized by fear of negative evaluation or humiliation, concerns about the judgments of others, and worry that one will be rejected. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, it’s one of the most common anxiety disorders, affecting around 15 million people in the United States.
10 Things Your Friend With Anxiety Wants You to Know
Most people experience a bit of social anxiety from time to time, such as when we walk into a room full of people we do not know, or when we have to stand up and give a speech in front of others. But social anxiety can become problematic, and might even be diagnosed as an anxiety disorder when it causes substantial interference in one’s life.
Many socially anxious people avoid situations in which they might be evaluated by others, which can then cause a host of occupational, academic, and interpersonal limitations. Because the central feature of social anxiety disorder is worrying about the opinions of others, it’s logical that social anxiety could have effects on romantic relationships.
Several years ago, I conducted research on social anxiety and romantic relationships, in which I had couples engage in videotaped conversations about neutral, conflictual, and positive topics. I found that during conversations about conflictual topics, socially anxious people demonstrated many more negative behaviors than people who were not socially anxious.
For example, they often gave the sense that they didn’t understand their partner’s point of view. They often brought in other issues, rather than sticking to the topic at hand. They often jumped to the conclusion that they knew what their partner was thinking.
In addition, across all types of conversation, they demonstrated fewer positive behaviors than their nonanxious counterparts. For example, they rarely took ownership over their own feelings and viewpoints using “I feel” statements. They rarely provided a rationale for why they agreed or disagreed with their partner. They didn’t often show empathy toward their partner.
It’s important to recognize that socially anxious people are not intentionally trying to be contentious, avoid taking responsibility for problems in their relationships, or withhold empathy from their partner. In fact, they would probably be mortified that they are having that effect on their partner. Rather, socially anxious people are often “living in their heads.”
Many socially anxious people continually monitor themselves to ensure that they are coming across favorably and not doing anything that would make them “look stupid,” even when they are interacting with someone they know very well, such as a romantic partner.
Researchers have coined a term for this phenomenon: self-focused attention. The problem with self-focused attention is that the socially anxious person’s attention is divided — he is engaging in conversation, but he is also tracking his internal thoughts, emotions, and physiological sensations.
The end result is that he misses important social cues and interacts less effectively than he might otherwise. Over time, this interpersonal style can impair the strength of a socially anxious person’s “connection” with another.
If you’re in a relationship with someone struggling with social anxiety, here are some tips for making your relationship work:
1. Make Benign Attributions for Her Behavior.
An attribution is an explanation that we give for why things happen, such as why someone treats us as they do. When your partner interacts in a way that seems unhelpful or off-putting, it’s easy to get upset by making a malicious attribution like, “She just doesn’t care enough”.
In contrast, a more benign attribution would be something like, “I bet she didn’t mean to come across that way. She struggles with communication.” Research shows that relationships are more likely to last when partners make benign attributions for one another’s behavior, relative to when they make malicious attributions.
2. Don’t Make Assumptions.
Social situations that might seem fun and exciting to you might seem torturous to your partner. When making plans for social events like family gatherings and date nights, check in first with your partner to make sure that he thinks it will be enjoyable. If he expresses concern, strive to understand his hesitation rather than assuming that he’ll just go along with the plan and be fine once he gets there.
3. Learn to Compromise.
If you and your partner differ significantly regarding the degree to which you find social gatherings fun and enjoyable, you will probably have to make some compromises. Have an intimate evening at home on occasion, rather than going out in public. Find a close friend or family member who will accompany you to social gatherings that are particularly challenging to your partner.
That being said, you don’t need to compromise all the time. Both of you are equal partners in the relationship, and it’s important that you get your needs met as well. Besides, if your partner avoids most or all social gatherings, her anxiety will only get worse.
4. Have Accurate Expectations.
When your socially anxious partner does accompany you to a social gathering, he will probably come across as shy. He might not contribute a lot to the conversation. At times, he might seem uncomfortable. Just remember that it took a lot for him to get there and that he might not “perform” to your standards.
Science Says: Anxious People Are Smarter People
5. Give Gentle Feedback about Their Communication Style.
Your socially anxious partner might very well exhibit some of the characteristics of ineffective communication. You can play an important role in helping her to acquire more effective communication skills. However, it’s important that you do so in a way that is empathic and non-critical.
If your partner says something that seems dismissive or off-putting, rather than firing back with a tone of annoyance or exasperation, you can say something like, “Here’s the message I just got when you said that. Was that what you were intending?” If the message you got was different than what she intended, you can give her feedback as to how to communicate her message more effectively (e.g., “Now I see where you’re coming from. It would help me to understand that if you approached your request like this…”).
Similarly, when your partner does communicate effectively, give her feedback so that she can apply the same style in the future. Thus, giving feedback to your partner is critical in helping her to learn, but the feedback must be given in a gentle, patient, nonjudgmental, and helpful manner.
6. Accept Your Partner for Who They Are.
Relationships are never optimal when one partner is trying to change the other. Remember that social anxiety is only one small part of who your partner is. Be sure to acknowledge the other parts, especially the strengths that attracted you to him in the first place. Your partner will likely very much appreciate the fact that you are in his corner.
Although being in a relationship with a socially anxious person can have its challenges, when you think about it, don’t all relationships have their challenges? The key to addressing these challenges is to view them in a balanced manner, approaching them from a perspective characterized by acceptance, empathy, and respect.
You ultimately may decide that this isn’t the relationship for you, and that’s OK. You have the right to choose the relationship that works best for your own needs, preferences, and character strengths.
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 6 Very Important Ways To Love Someone With Social Anxiety.
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